I don’t need a medal, only a little bit of applause, as I am actually BLOGGING two days in a row. (Chaya, if you’re reading this, you have inspired me).
This week is the first normal week after Passover and Passover preparations. All told, the holiday took two weeks out of my working life. Between the cooking and the cleaning and the hosting (and of course, the eating), not to mention Boaz being off school, I had little time in the last 14 days to write. It’s not just about time, but about mental space. I probably could have squeezed in an hour here and an hour there, but Passover is like a full-time, contract position. Very all-encompassing, very intense, and then its over.
So I look up, two weeks have gone, and writing-wise I have very little to show for it.
Funny, by the end of the two weeks, I was irritable, moody and feeling very self-deprecating. This has happened before when I’ve been away from writing for too long. When I am not writing, I don’t feel whole.
On the other hand, the fear of writing makes it that much harder to get back into it. I fear never writing anything worth reading. I fear facing a book that might never see the light of day. I fear the “sophomore slump” – that my next novel will get published but no one will pay attention. It’s a lot of fear for a single person to face sitting at her computer alone.
And yet, these last two days have been good writing days. I’m coming to the end of the first draft of this book (I think). There will be a lot of work to do once the draft is complete (a LOT of work), but at this point I feel like I just need to complete the shape. Maybe with an outline of a novel I can flesh it out over drafts two and three (and beyond). Maybe (probably) the best thing for me to do is to just push past the fear and get on with it.
